Friday, November 20, 2009

the truths heard and am on my way...

stand outside theres one thing left to say...
then again...some other day... some other day...
cuse tonight... aint about the hand that rocks...
its the glass that talks...

the lights goin...n so do u... go away...
my whites dying... i turn to grey...
but then again... i see u fading...
anticipating...
u'll go away... away.. into the night...
fading light...

i walk tonight... alone again... just a glass in hand...
alone i stand...
it never was that u were here anyway.....
so why the helll... wud u even... staaaay!!!!

so as i sing the bar does close the last order he says...
does he know deep inside theres a soul that prays...

act is done... jester stops

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

gibberish... iltutmish... chinar... qutub minar...

One cant help but compare... au contraire one has to compare... for ur fallacies and mistakes and the comparisons with absolute perfections is whats supposed to bring you up...that is what is supposed to egg you on... I used to rhyme it all once upon a time... this was my way of filling in the void left by my not so perfect schooling. I aint a convent educated someone who can be verbose at the drop of a hat and end up speaking at hours together in a language that has been by far alien to me for long... so i would add my own lines to fill in the gaps left by my inadequacy of words... words that were always around somewhere... lines that made the person sitting in front wonder is he making sense? hence... the comeuppance... today I am no longer the rhymer i once was... i am back to my stammering self... unsure to say the least at times... and whats brought this along? absent song... absent words... absence fills to much of my everyday now... I wish I would do something about it... I wish there was no crossroads... I wish there was just a fork in the road and I knew which road to take... I wish I was walking not crawling... running not falling... stymied and confused I stare at what life has thrown... the problems unknown, uncouth is my mere attempt at it... and I will not make it through... and that aint new... I think that is whats in store... so I would pie some more...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

pie some more...

Why dont blog write on their own... why do I have to take the trouble of filling pages with diatribe that is far too non consequential for the world to pay any heed to. And mind you all that I am writing bears no significance to any individual or occurrence, and if it so happens that it does, in that case it is merely the writers attempt at obviating the realism in life itself.
Not so long ago I was alive, not so long ago I used to dream, not so long ago I used to write, not so long ago I wasn't employed. And now that I am, my creativity is best expressed in the not so often contrite abuses I pile upon my boss/co-workers/partners, the choicest of words and expressions usually best put in hindi or my mother tongue punjabi fills up my creative void. And that seems to be the order of the day for most of those around, and it so seemed till I came across you, you you you, you fill me with the will to express be more than what I am. The mere smile you so seldom chose to smile upon us mortals gives me strength to go on, to drag my ass to office, to make each day worth living. And yet you are so so far away from me, the mere mention of your name makes me long for u, makes me wish you were around. And then not so far away I have this ridiculous piece of shit barfing in my face, taking my thoughts to a new parallel, but yet I long to see you again.
What is passion, I have this friend who has discovered what we call a "Calling" in life, (well why beat around the bush), Saahil happens to now know what he always was searching for. TFI it seems is the answer to all he was searching for, ubiquity, balance, goal, a reason... there is something besides tix that brings a smile to his face. Call it fate by design or chance, but one thing leading to another has seen him land up with TFI. Rest is fait accompli, every sentence he speaks, every conversation we have is laced with teachings, with innuendos, even the anecdotes revolve around his experiences... he does not now look at the world the way we see it... or maybe I am just exaggerating, but things have changed in his neck of the woods.
But still what is passion, and where does my calling lie? Does it lie in a simple piece of pie? The pie I so sinfully washed down my throat with a coffee? Or does it lie in the coffee the innumerable cups of which I have gulped down everyday? The answer is far too confusing than the question was... for the answer aint just blowing in the wind anymore, it aint in the fast fast fast river (this is an innuendo that seems far too out of place but what the heck who is reading this anyway), the answer is an arcane quest, it would someday become a series of blog entries that might just result in a ridiculous book I might just publish and rake in some dough. Some chick once told me that I was too good with questions but I aint no good at answering them myself, well part of it is true and which one I now know.
U know what, someday I would do the moonwalk, play next to (or in a more sophisticated undertone "jam with") eric clapton and mark knopfler, learn to get over stuff, die on my 50th birthday, write a book, give up on coffee... see you smile... till that day... never say forever again...

Monday, August 3, 2009

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

3rd...

At times u say stuff n later on u regret it... n then there are times in the spur of the moment u say smthin n the next moment u forget it... i hate the latter... cuse at times... n especially those when the minds at a momentary high... when senses r numb...the world goes by slow... the thoughts that u taught urself are so clear and so distinct from each other... when every word is worth its weight in gold and manifold... these are times when deliriums a moment away and the moment seems so momentary so ephemeral and u dnt want it 2 last... for delirium is the ubiquitous existence the panacea u r chasing its ur goal yet this moment is when u have the worlds attention... so what do u do.. the next swigs ur undoing but thats wat u r doing... sinking... blabbering... u r the worthless drunkard at some watering hole... lying in ur own incongruous meelie of words u dnt understand... what made the crowds heads turn u dnt remember... ur minute of fames long gone... what stares u now are questioning eyes.. unsure of ur next move... the crowd thins away... ur floating now... the words seem a long distant dream... the moment so ephemeral...so effervescent burst like a bubble... the time crushed like a scooby snack... time for a coffee... :)

Valedic...

I have this notion... that someday... i would get up and walk out... and when i say walk out i intend to say that I would walk out on everything around me... people... friends... colleagues... everyone... and start a new life. It is quite often misrepresented in flicks where u start a new life and ur past catches up with u,.. with me it wont... it would be complete disassociation and detachment from all I know... and why?? I donno... maybe its because of the way 2day was... maybe its because I have realised and come 2 terms with the bitter truth that is... that the one strand of imagination i had emancipated... and kept hoping for and kept alive is not done for... this one glimmer of hope to have things work out differently has died... so maybe... in a new life it would be better... maybe I would be less of a nobody when I reappear... maybe I dont give a fuck to the fact that this is being read or not... maybe I would be a valedictorian at oxford... and the next thing u know I am all over 100 dollar bills somewhere... maybe its all a farce, the very fact that I write it here right now is for someone to read and ask me as to what is wrong or what the hell this means, or maybe we are all that ways... all bound by the world, strained in our thoughts, mindless in our actions, and confused in our lives... we are but the offspring of one human alone... the guy who started it all... so we are after all linked in one common strand... the strand of revival... for he 2 realised that he needs to wake up someday somewhere else with it all left behind... with a new start and a new morning and a new hope... maybe that day is tomorrow... maybe it is just the time i would be woken up from my sleep at 5 am in the morning jolted into a bus ride to a place dark and gloomy sitting next to a ghost and then cut off from it all thrown into a jungle unknown coming to grips with my decision of going through it all only to find myself struggling with life once again in a world where truth is just a misrepresentation of all the lies you cant carry anymore... maybe i was better of the nobody i was and not the valedictorian I am...

As Is

Life is as is... as will be... as was... as should be....
moments are as gone... as were... as spent... as done...
this time is..one tide... one breeze... waits for none...
I am as was... as am... as free...
Ended up doing an As is analysis of a fucked up juiced out squeezed tight business we are trying to envisage and run in a dying market with zilch investment and maxed out effort... its a race against time... a worthless and endless grime, a grave we dig two inches deep everyday trying to fit in more people... I do see the light in the day (n yes not night... cuse we are blinded in the day neways)... i do see we are wrong... and as a pea at the bottom of all of the queens mattresses i do try and make my point... do give them folks up above an itch once in a while that the picture aint rosy... and get out while the time is right. But then there is an escalation of commitment we all live with... my friends are going through it with marriages... some with their girlfriends... and businesses these days with rigid commitments that are far 2 much cast in stone for anyones good. Flexibility is what smaller organizations thrive on... and on what airtel sneezes and gives a flu to. We are all about the moolah... all on paper... none to see... if u make it cool... ur luck but on paper the case should predict a story all would like to hear, I aint a cynic, nor am i too old in the system 2 be critical of it... but from what I have seen its all about boss is right cover ur ass and run. So all I am looking for is 2 exit stage left before the fat lady sings, my paycheck takes a hit and the recruiters give me crap... so if my boss is reading yes i am planning 2 exit...If a consultants reading I am with Airtel for the last 2 years... and if its u my friend then is there an opening in ur parta town??? cuse life is as is... is shit... where i sit... am hit... :)