forking away... picking a leaf... moving on...

Well friends come and go... the real ones you stick onto... and reality is a deferred illusion... u realise what real is once its past... i somehow hate it for a fact that i am awake at 1:30 am... writing some trash again... but well... the weathers awesome.. rain seems to be pelting my window begging me to stand outside and i do... getting wet is an awesome feel... even if its standing on the parapet of your third floor house knowing well that a slip would mean shitloads of trouble for those around... and it wont matter to you at all he he he... but then again one needs a clear head... to write and express stuff... when all you got inside are thoughts occupying a mind besieged and beguiled by so much randomness that the whole effort of making sense is absolutely futile...
I guess I lost the whole sense of happiness in its truest form a while back... and as someone said... misery brings the best outta us... i think i fell in love with it... and now picking a leaf from tikku's way of putting things while blogging... as S said... theres nothing wrong or right about trying to make things work... what matters more is do they or dont they.... I always hoped they would... they never did never would i hope i continue to rue the fact that they dont...for then only can i wake up at 1 in the night and think things through...
Freindship aint something i swear by... i mean within a couple of days it will be legal for me 2 touch booze in delhi and within half an year or so my friends shall be stepping into a world where calling them for booze is outta question... so i guess i am reconciling with the fact that for 2 years i shall be getting smashed alone... though theres an upside to it... i will foot my own bill.. :D....
and again taking a cue outta tikkus blog...some people have definite strands of difference hanging outta the bow tie they wear every day... they are so new i feel like puking my guts out... for i dont mind change... as long as its good... but as soon as someone changes and the change aint for the greater common good... but rather a self sufficing fallacy of promises and buttressing someone to get stuff goin... it makes me wanna give up my MBA and think of joining something that shal atleast guarantee world peace...
now this goes to X and double a... i donno how many times i have said this... but why would someone break someones heart when the person dont have the courage to do it... so well... since none of them got the courage to shit over it all.. i will say try make some castles in the air outta it... put up in them... and rent me a place outta it for its been a while since i dreamt lucid...
so where does it put me now... it puts me right where i belong... on the fork... sure as hell this will end... sure as hell tomorrow when i wake up all the thoughts of F shall be gone and as X put it... forget her seth... forget her... so well..
heres to forgive and forget...
to all the strangers i met...
to the lies i lied...
to the times i tried...
to the dangling conversations...
to the uneneding chatless frustrations...
to tonight tomorrow and what remains..
to the heartache and pains...
to being and being played a fool...
to the fact... tht i aint cool!!! :)

signing off...
hellraiser....!!!

midnights child run...

wever... inconsequential and insipid this life is... every night i lie down hoping i can escape this one feeling this one needless emotion deep down inside... as my flatmate gets off the phone and so does another friend of mine who has come over... i stare at my cell... hoping it will ring... for i too wont ming feeling miserable for once... for it sure will lighten up the way i am... for it will ring in something afresh... but alas... its me and my lap top... and the idiot box and that one hour at the Gym... and then it back to waiting for delirium... yess i am kinda loony admitting the fact that i am gripped by loneliness... but who the hell gives a fuck to this blog here... i mean the last person to check this one was me and so was the one before and one before that... so well i'll say save tonight... by the time am high bring on tomorrow... for today brings sorrow save tonight...
and then floyd... floyds the pole star the guiding light to me... and wish u were here and comf numb bring respite and great gig settles it all.. so so u think u can tell... well butttttt iiiiiiiiii hve become comfortably numb... and tomorrow i wont wake up... i dont wanna wake up... i see no point on going through this any more...but before i go...let me make my final stand... hmmm chuck it... adios...

sick and counting...

the sad part was she knew it...
but when its getting done with u dont care shit...
she knew i cudnt say it seeing her in the eyes...
that i would end up making up lies...
or reasons sad as they were, to avoid...
the talk of the thing the "void"...
so i left a note... with my usual ps to conclude...
and did post it with regards so as to not sound rude...

and imagined then what it would be like there...
hell when its over you dont care....
but still would she shed a tear...
or wud she simply tear....
and call it a day...celebrate...
did she say wait or hate...
its over right why this thought...
theres better stuff to think about aint it not...

did i stick a stamp or would she have to pay...
man i posted the thing on a sunday....
and she wont like paying the postman the dime or nickel...
these things made her rather fickle...
shud have called and done it u might be sayin...
then the breakdown at the other end wud men am stayin...
but wud she have broken down and cried...
or wud those drops have lied....
what the hell... its over i snapped it... its done...
but then again a replacement needed.. neone???

to freethinking and friends... meaningless idiosyncracises...

there are times when things go nowhere, when all your best laid plans hit a wall... and u urself are trying to scale one. There are days when you wake ip feeling, so very good about life, you know its perfect, you have that feeling deep down inside that it will all turn around today... and the dawn dawns upon with the same monotony as yesterday had ended, ur eyes weary feet feet following the same course home, mind not too sure, whether it was in the stars or did u miscalculate something or maybe it was just the way the cookie did crumble, but here u r back again... ending today, no mood to see tomorrow, somehow every night i sleep i wish i woke up in goa, strange but true, not that i havent vacationed before, but there was something so incendiary and so cataclysmic about it, about that place, i dint for once dint wanna be anyplace else, mind dint wander, i slept sans a dream, woke up sans a regret, save for one tinsel tricky moment, it was all sane, i knew in my heart of hearts, noplace and nowhere else shall i be this way, i was deprived of thoughts, of wanderings... and i dint wanna think as well... free of thinking i was... and friends, new ones at that and people who take ages to know u were there... so were those whom u have known for ages... and i knew i cud lean and support... and i knew the reason and the purport... the tenor... of being there of getting wet in the rain, of getting sloshed and walking barefoot, of driving on those winding roads... teared eyes... flushing away a century... and then soaring above (for a brief instant though) and seeing it from up there... wishing the cord will come undone and i wud fall free... then sitting in the middle of the sea... hoping the sun wont set... and if it does i dont have to row back... for i was alone (in my head) and i dint wanna think... for when i think things go awry... for me freethinking is rather free from thinking then thinking freely or whatever the anarchists would put it as...