who the hell cares...

Its way to easy 2 say and way 2 tuff 2 do... i mean i might be all chirpy about the jobless state i am at airtel... but passing those 8 hours in office with not a whiff of food on my plate and a pretention to keep is not easy... i mean had i been one amongst many with nothing 2 do it would still have been easier, but that sure aint the case... people around me look at me with questioning eyes... pointing fingers at my usual ideal disposition... and that sucks.. i mean i dint chose this for me, this place dont give you many choices and times are rather strange, they say its a correction!!! they say the markets are adjusting, i have just this one question... if people are losing money then who's getting it all.. for money never disappears does it???
Am i here for the lack of initiative? Maybe... for i have dreamt of preparing a CV, waking up only 2 realise that no pixies came in the night to do that for me...and i have dreamt of waking up fitter and slimmer only 2 realise that its easier to quit something then try and stick to it...(gymming for the unitiated)... so thus does it make me a non self initiator sit on your ass nincompoop or am I one amongst so many of you but without the luck 2 boot???
People confuse me... they are sweet this one moment and casually indifferent the next... so are they merely taking advantage of my graciously generous disposition or am i just assuming that friends is a word we usually utter as a nonchalant fix 2 an irritable requirement that can be satisfied only by accompaniment or favor...
Should i digress from this chain of thought which in itself is a digression from the thought with which i started 2 write?? Or should i rather drive into the night which is like a suppressed thought for the mere inaction of my 2 roommates who seem 2 like to lie flat at the mere mention of the word weekend.. or are rather 2 busy with their own coherent lives and i lie down like my usual self on a friday thinking of what it idealy should have been and am weighing the what if's and what not's and then debating about the why that always sticks around...
Why do i end up getting kicked in the butt for every fault of mine... and why do i fall for the last available thing who walked??? I mean i know my existence as this human embodiment sucks and my cribbing is not reaching gods ears n all... but still hey dude!!! why sing a sad song and make the batter... tasteless!!! for i know this walking talking thing is far away reality... i mean not the right thing to mention here... but hell who cares... i aint taking no names... and back off!!! theres never a name... theres only a beleif...a beleif that the brew tomorrow would be just as strong.. that when i sip that coffee i shall not think of this or that... and be transported someplace else!!! for life is someplace else.. this is just a sham that aint ending,.. this is me asking myself, questioning my own existence and planning my own demise, and dying by the moment... only hoping to see some thing smile... so well heres it...theress now...