disjointed...

When its all over and done...
will u stand next 2 ur grave and contemplate...
was this the right chosing of fate...
was this the way u wanted 2 live...
a few bangs a few body bags...
some soul lying on the streets...
will ur bullet pierce my brow, or will it go in between...
is this the life u have seen...
its not your chosing nor mine...
in the end who cares whose fine?
someones religion someone elses belief...
one mans fire one nations grief...

this is not the end you and I know...
who knows which way this time the zephyr will blow...
or will it be a tempest who knows...
whose house it destroys when it blows...
for we come to blows for reason we dint decide...
ur faith and my fate belied...
someone will shed a tear when i die...
in some obscure corner of ur jannat u will lie...
with the promised loot of hoors at ur call...
so who was it who ordered to kill em all???

is he there? with u to enjoy his share...
or is he down below and doesnt care...
for he has but one aim thats anarchy and bloodshed...
he has left... u n I both dead...
one by a bullet one by destinies chosing...
its not a battle we are losing...
but a belief in life itself we have given up on...
so who will cry when you are gone???
or will they bury u again and again till the earth stops spitting you out...
for no spittoon shall bear u nor will a grave...
and u wish allah forgave...
he cant for he too never preached...
the road u have beseeched...

generating gap...

Me and my hommies... we always feel as if we are getting older...faster then it ought 2 be... we are as they say.. not in sync or in touch with the younger uns out there...n wat they actually do mean is that wen they are roaming out there on the streets seeing them guys with crazy hairdo's the kinds where there is no partition just spikes or rather long strands covering faces... and shirts that aint tucked in and sneakers that are a size or 2 too big... they feel outta place and so do i... remember bond ordering a martini with watever inside n everyone on the table asking for that in casino royale??? i felt that ways 2 wen this kid no older than 10 walked into the salon with his dad in tow...looking at the barber...tellin him stuff u hear of in vogue... he went: bhaiyaa since i have a square face this cut with this thing will do and since my hair are light i will have crimping (watever that is...i thot its gotta do with lan cabeling) done... n his dads like watever he says just do it... n then he explains 2 his dad wat he meant... n i look at myself n feel my hair...they seem light...n i ask for a crimping 2!!! which i am told wnt look good... n i 2 am like watever...!!! so is this kid a new gen right outta the box thing or is he being fed a diff info then we are?? :|
so is this a gap in itself or is it just some bridge that exists which we never wud infact cross???

n nw as of this moment and in the state i am in... i have a confession 2 make...which... i guess... shud n wud wait for a long long time...

shhh... this is a secret...

everyone has their own personal lives... seriously... and they all have the right 2 live it the way they chose... and ur presence absence or pretense has no forbearing on the merest of outcomes or on the way their days progress they are just so bound by their indulgences elsewhere that u r a mere speck and a speck alone which would at times be of assistance or at max a reconnaissance into their messed up lives... and no dont u for once think that this trivial indulgence or a brief interlude into the high and the mighty or rather the banal affliction with the untouched and far away's will be in any ways an indication of an entry into the yet uncharted territory... it is but a breeze that shall blow and die down unless u want to harness it to become the tempest in ur life and make a difference to ur existence which in any case will be independent of the other person in questions being. For u r a speck a mere speck thats there for no reason... but for just a fairly short season, u shall be wiped of like a fading smile... like the night that will give way to the day... like the tomorrow shall erase today, so dont u smile hoping it met something big... it was just a dig u had at ur own life... at ur own expense... so well let the breeze blow past, play ur hand and forget it all.. for u are but a speck who never mattered... but shhhhh... its a secret...

who the hell cares...

Its way to easy 2 say and way 2 tuff 2 do... i mean i might be all chirpy about the jobless state i am at airtel... but passing those 8 hours in office with not a whiff of food on my plate and a pretention to keep is not easy... i mean had i been one amongst many with nothing 2 do it would still have been easier, but that sure aint the case... people around me look at me with questioning eyes... pointing fingers at my usual ideal disposition... and that sucks.. i mean i dint chose this for me, this place dont give you many choices and times are rather strange, they say its a correction!!! they say the markets are adjusting, i have just this one question... if people are losing money then who's getting it all.. for money never disappears does it???
Am i here for the lack of initiative? Maybe... for i have dreamt of preparing a CV, waking up only 2 realise that no pixies came in the night to do that for me...and i have dreamt of waking up fitter and slimmer only 2 realise that its easier to quit something then try and stick to it...(gymming for the unitiated)... so thus does it make me a non self initiator sit on your ass nincompoop or am I one amongst so many of you but without the luck 2 boot???
People confuse me... they are sweet this one moment and casually indifferent the next... so are they merely taking advantage of my graciously generous disposition or am i just assuming that friends is a word we usually utter as a nonchalant fix 2 an irritable requirement that can be satisfied only by accompaniment or favor...
Should i digress from this chain of thought which in itself is a digression from the thought with which i started 2 write?? Or should i rather drive into the night which is like a suppressed thought for the mere inaction of my 2 roommates who seem 2 like to lie flat at the mere mention of the word weekend.. or are rather 2 busy with their own coherent lives and i lie down like my usual self on a friday thinking of what it idealy should have been and am weighing the what if's and what not's and then debating about the why that always sticks around...
Why do i end up getting kicked in the butt for every fault of mine... and why do i fall for the last available thing who walked??? I mean i know my existence as this human embodiment sucks and my cribbing is not reaching gods ears n all... but still hey dude!!! why sing a sad song and make the batter... tasteless!!! for i know this walking talking thing is far away reality... i mean not the right thing to mention here... but hell who cares... i aint taking no names... and back off!!! theres never a name... theres only a beleif...a beleif that the brew tomorrow would be just as strong.. that when i sip that coffee i shall not think of this or that... and be transported someplace else!!! for life is someplace else.. this is just a sham that aint ending,.. this is me asking myself, questioning my own existence and planning my own demise, and dying by the moment... only hoping to see some thing smile... so well heres it...theress now...

where the hell...

I hereby proclaim that its all the same...
whether u leave or stay, whether its tonight or today...
I aint bothering no more, if u leave at four...
or whether u dead or alive... or if its at five...
but kindly bolt the door behind, if u dont mind...
for am cold and rather numb, say what sounds dumb...
nay it wont try pinch, wont wince an inch...
see i pierced this nail inside, and never cried...
and yeah could u pour me a drink before u exit, nay aint talkin shit...
and yeah also take the trash on ur way out, wud like if u rather not shout...
the dogs asleep, and so am I, so well goodbye...
to u and all those around, hope i aint found...
the knife hurt the nail did not, giving up was the last option i got...
goin under underground still, see u six feet under some hill...
or some sky high, see ya sometime when u die...

Care for cake?

Many try... few can do... have their cake... and eat it too...

This quote confused me, the foodie that i am, as a kid i used 2 think that by not having the entire cake on my birthday i was not living the quote, and by having someone else share of the pie i was depriving that individual of a quintessential law proposed by nature, but then as i grew old... and learnt the ways of the world i realised, its beyond a pie eating thing, its about survival...its about taking what you desire and may not deserve, its about looking into plates and pallets of others and picking whatever grub drops of so as 2 feed a starving life... The once fulfilling tangible cake is now a plethora of things and emotions. Everyone feels deprived with their buckets full or empty, they all feel theres something amiss... terribly so... that the central spoke of their wheel of life is missing or is it??? Is it just a wordplay 2 rise above the worldplay, are we all desirous of every possible and available tangible or intangible thing thats there, is contentment just a catch phrase to throw around in parties to appease the demi gods and gurus who in their own world are so empty inside that they are out seeking peace in the pieces of life they are alone in. Are we all so very much focused towards fulfilling lifes goals and ambitions which again are offshoots of seeds planted by a parent or a friend, and as an independent thinking entity you would rather be immersed in something you feel god had desired of u...
Is our hunger ever satisfied...are we ever satiated... is our pie so bloody small that having eaten it till the last grub we are desperate to finish someone else's share, or do we feel so deprived thinking that our flavour wasnt good enough??? As kids it was all too simplistic... vanilla was the only ice cream flavour... pineapple was the only cake... and now vanilla is ewwwww... pineapple is oh puhleease... so has the flavor gone bad or are the new ones so alluring... wrong on both counts... a blind test will show that its just that the value associated with the banal basic stuff is reducing...we need invigoration's we are slave 2 a change.. or are we changing to a slave... in any case we are drifting into modalities and changes with lifestlye that far exceed our realm of experience... wy should human race be so blinded to catch up to a future they themselves havent aspired or dreamt for, why not let the tastes be and taste what exists, we are going beyond ourselves, crossing frontiers, getting into someone else's space, for once... let the animals be... let other life be... ur not the only one on this planet, try and understand theres an ecology we have to support... look beyond ur cake and someone elses for once... look at the baker and how poor he is... he is done baking for u... he had fed u alot... about time u noticed that u r drifting into the realm of a world u dnt understand, dnt be a slave of ur own device... rise up!!! eat the cake and taste it too!!!

everybody says i am fine...

Amongst the most inconclusive researches made... the one that stands out is the limit research... and this takes us back 2 the subject of drinking... so as u might have guessed the limit we or rather i am going to talk about is the limit 2 the number of drinks one can have... or should have... the stages one goes through, and when it is that one has peaked and one drop can lead 2 the once thought improbable, for i have been there done that and had made fun of... so this is for all u out there, this is to tell u what not 2 do... or how not to do it...!!!

... Never and this is the goldenest rule of them all... never chat up with the waiter, never get pally... cuse then once u r getting high u wud know whom to ask for the next shot... and pals like to see u make a nuisance of urself for at the end of it all u wud pay more...  and drink extra... so b the uptight nueve rich diplomatic golden spoon up ur ass prick n do not get friendly...

... Never start of empty stomached... have seen the mighty fall after having a cuple on an empty stomach.. so order a starter... or eat something from the plate of the dude sitting on the table next 2 urs but do not let a drop of alcohol enter ur system with nothing inside...

...Do not let the music determine ur drink... or decide the amount u have so to say... wat i mean is... if u r a floyd fan n the DJ seems to be turning it on playin gilmore after rogers n comf numb after money u dnt hve 2 lose ur head stand up on ur seat n raise a toast to days gone by n then raise nther wen he plays comin back 2 life cuse it oh so very much is the story of ur life... guess wat u r already 2 shots down...n ur guts r cryin...

...never eye a chick u cant lay ur hands on n wait till she leaves... cuse guess wat she aint havin the crap u r gulpin down... n by the time she thinks she has overstayed her welcome u r already stoned enough to see two of her... 

...never go out with just a friend,... as in no two people shud sit alone n drink... cuse then u r competitive subconsciously, u wanna see who drinks more n still stands straight, who will have th bragging rights for the night... its no longer a reason 2 celehbrate... its an opportunity 2 decapitate the other mans ego.. so call a third friend... pref a teetotaller n u bth shud take his trip instead...

...never ever... i repeat ever try and outdo wat u once did or even try and come close 2 ur last record... cuse like the egg thats now a chicken u r eating... u 2 have aged n no matter if it was a weak back... back then u were a weak unger... nw u r not in a physical position 2 better that record...

...if during the course of the whole thing u feel that u r not able to hold the glass in a way thats desired or are able to place it back on the table in one go... quit... another drops ur demise... for all drinkers may or may not respect their lives... they respect their glasses... u must pay obscience to it for having brought to ur lips the joy that life so desired...

if u hear urself laughing excessively on a joke u cant understnd or had half heard... or u hear urself singing (which u know u suck at) this is ur last drink... stop... before u stand next 2 the DJ n makin pals wid him... or r sittin on another table n cracking jokes wid people u dont know...

...never mix drinks...

... never spike them...

... never think u can have more...

... never tell urself that u r not drunk...

n last...

... never read wat i typed... cuse a drunk man has no religion... he only has a bottle... n bottles dont type...wat am i sayin this sucks as a bottomline so wait...

n the botomline to it all.. wen u r happy n high... remember never say the truth... just point blank lie...!!!