On of those days...

Had a terrible day today... nothing to do with the vagaries of work or the lack of them... nothing to do with friends or people around or the knack of them... nothing to do with anyone... but more to do with me and me alone... I donno what snapped, which side of the cot i got off... or was it the rather too early dose of floyd... or maybe it was me undoing myself by simply drifting down the road not travelled anymore... or maybe it was just one of those days... For i woke up with a start... a start so rattled and bummed that it could only have resulted post the haunting dream that plagues me far too many times... i tend to revisit some certain events/occurances/misdemeanours alot... and that too in my dreams only... maybe somewhere at the back of my mind theres still some silent regret at being a lunatic loser a summer gone by... or maybe its just my current disposition where i stand down an alley too dark... too miasmic... groping for a a grip... or maybe am up somewhere alone orbitting like some satelite stationed at a point looking down the mess i created in my life... but then again... maybe its just me expecting too much from people i know too little of... or maybe...its life itself...which i know nothing of...

best sng in a while...

Wrestler!! hail the boss!!


Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the field so happy and free?
If you've ever seen a one trick pony then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-legged dove making his way down the street?
If you've ever seen a one-legged dove then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you've ever seen that scarecrow then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-armed man punching at nothing but the breeze?
If you've ever seen a one-armed man then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

These things that have comforted me, I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith's in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one-legged man trying to dance his way free?
If you've ever seen a one-legged man then you've seen me

poka yoke... the art of mistake proofing...

We learn from mistakes wen we want 2... we ignore them when the need arises... look beyond them in a self sufficing blinded belief of being right... the righteous wrongs we do in the course of normal life far outweigh the correct course that we ought to have taken... we are in a ephemeral search to be someone we so long crave... and we are indifferent to the world insataible in desire... and then when the world ends when the goals there when life comes calling here you are where you wannabe... and you dnt know what to do about it...
My blog is rarely about people, rarely is someone other then me a part of it... but when i see them 2 sitting in front of me jostling it out independent of ego and still managing to psyche each other out no end... it really endears me... for them 2 mean alot... i mean I used 2 idiolise them at a point in time till my own ideals were shaken but seeing them still there warms me up... :)
I aint the kinds who would learn... i never can never will.. I am habitual of finding ditches where none exist and I am still further capable of tripping my own ass into it... i cheat myself into falling in...and then theres the tale of unrequited nothings that i go through... or subject myself 2... I ended another such chapter... and a very banal maraudic end at that.. I kept searching for an anticlimax... and it ended with the deletion of the gtalk id... which was like a ridiculous misdemeanour at the part of fate itself and I am not thinking of altering the past in any way... so well i will let life be again... and sort itself out!!!
so well here goes a nothing post... sort life out... make it work... or rather get a life... dont be the loser u have been for long...

disjointed...

When its all over and done...
will u stand next 2 ur grave and contemplate...
was this the right chosing of fate...
was this the way u wanted 2 live...
a few bangs a few body bags...
some soul lying on the streets...
will ur bullet pierce my brow, or will it go in between...
is this the life u have seen...
its not your chosing nor mine...
in the end who cares whose fine?
someones religion someone elses belief...
one mans fire one nations grief...

this is not the end you and I know...
who knows which way this time the zephyr will blow...
or will it be a tempest who knows...
whose house it destroys when it blows...
for we come to blows for reason we dint decide...
ur faith and my fate belied...
someone will shed a tear when i die...
in some obscure corner of ur jannat u will lie...
with the promised loot of hoors at ur call...
so who was it who ordered to kill em all???

is he there? with u to enjoy his share...
or is he down below and doesnt care...
for he has but one aim thats anarchy and bloodshed...
he has left... u n I both dead...
one by a bullet one by destinies chosing...
its not a battle we are losing...
but a belief in life itself we have given up on...
so who will cry when you are gone???
or will they bury u again and again till the earth stops spitting you out...
for no spittoon shall bear u nor will a grave...
and u wish allah forgave...
he cant for he too never preached...
the road u have beseeched...

generating gap...

Me and my hommies... we always feel as if we are getting older...faster then it ought 2 be... we are as they say.. not in sync or in touch with the younger uns out there...n wat they actually do mean is that wen they are roaming out there on the streets seeing them guys with crazy hairdo's the kinds where there is no partition just spikes or rather long strands covering faces... and shirts that aint tucked in and sneakers that are a size or 2 too big... they feel outta place and so do i... remember bond ordering a martini with watever inside n everyone on the table asking for that in casino royale??? i felt that ways 2 wen this kid no older than 10 walked into the salon with his dad in tow...looking at the barber...tellin him stuff u hear of in vogue... he went: bhaiyaa since i have a square face this cut with this thing will do and since my hair are light i will have crimping (watever that is...i thot its gotta do with lan cabeling) done... n his dads like watever he says just do it... n then he explains 2 his dad wat he meant... n i look at myself n feel my hair...they seem light...n i ask for a crimping 2!!! which i am told wnt look good... n i 2 am like watever...!!! so is this kid a new gen right outta the box thing or is he being fed a diff info then we are?? :|
so is this a gap in itself or is it just some bridge that exists which we never wud infact cross???

n nw as of this moment and in the state i am in... i have a confession 2 make...which... i guess... shud n wud wait for a long long time...

shhh... this is a secret...

everyone has their own personal lives... seriously... and they all have the right 2 live it the way they chose... and ur presence absence or pretense has no forbearing on the merest of outcomes or on the way their days progress they are just so bound by their indulgences elsewhere that u r a mere speck and a speck alone which would at times be of assistance or at max a reconnaissance into their messed up lives... and no dont u for once think that this trivial indulgence or a brief interlude into the high and the mighty or rather the banal affliction with the untouched and far away's will be in any ways an indication of an entry into the yet uncharted territory... it is but a breeze that shall blow and die down unless u want to harness it to become the tempest in ur life and make a difference to ur existence which in any case will be independent of the other person in questions being. For u r a speck a mere speck thats there for no reason... but for just a fairly short season, u shall be wiped of like a fading smile... like the night that will give way to the day... like the tomorrow shall erase today, so dont u smile hoping it met something big... it was just a dig u had at ur own life... at ur own expense... so well let the breeze blow past, play ur hand and forget it all.. for u are but a speck who never mattered... but shhhhh... its a secret...

who the hell cares...

Its way to easy 2 say and way 2 tuff 2 do... i mean i might be all chirpy about the jobless state i am at airtel... but passing those 8 hours in office with not a whiff of food on my plate and a pretention to keep is not easy... i mean had i been one amongst many with nothing 2 do it would still have been easier, but that sure aint the case... people around me look at me with questioning eyes... pointing fingers at my usual ideal disposition... and that sucks.. i mean i dint chose this for me, this place dont give you many choices and times are rather strange, they say its a correction!!! they say the markets are adjusting, i have just this one question... if people are losing money then who's getting it all.. for money never disappears does it???
Am i here for the lack of initiative? Maybe... for i have dreamt of preparing a CV, waking up only 2 realise that no pixies came in the night to do that for me...and i have dreamt of waking up fitter and slimmer only 2 realise that its easier to quit something then try and stick to it...(gymming for the unitiated)... so thus does it make me a non self initiator sit on your ass nincompoop or am I one amongst so many of you but without the luck 2 boot???
People confuse me... they are sweet this one moment and casually indifferent the next... so are they merely taking advantage of my graciously generous disposition or am i just assuming that friends is a word we usually utter as a nonchalant fix 2 an irritable requirement that can be satisfied only by accompaniment or favor...
Should i digress from this chain of thought which in itself is a digression from the thought with which i started 2 write?? Or should i rather drive into the night which is like a suppressed thought for the mere inaction of my 2 roommates who seem 2 like to lie flat at the mere mention of the word weekend.. or are rather 2 busy with their own coherent lives and i lie down like my usual self on a friday thinking of what it idealy should have been and am weighing the what if's and what not's and then debating about the why that always sticks around...
Why do i end up getting kicked in the butt for every fault of mine... and why do i fall for the last available thing who walked??? I mean i know my existence as this human embodiment sucks and my cribbing is not reaching gods ears n all... but still hey dude!!! why sing a sad song and make the batter... tasteless!!! for i know this walking talking thing is far away reality... i mean not the right thing to mention here... but hell who cares... i aint taking no names... and back off!!! theres never a name... theres only a beleif...a beleif that the brew tomorrow would be just as strong.. that when i sip that coffee i shall not think of this or that... and be transported someplace else!!! for life is someplace else.. this is just a sham that aint ending,.. this is me asking myself, questioning my own existence and planning my own demise, and dying by the moment... only hoping to see some thing smile... so well heres it...theress now...